Nanci Griffith as Mentor

I had what I call a Mentor dream last night: when someone you respect and admire comes and speaks to you.....(the photo is of me and Nanci when i met her in Little Rock after a show...I had given her stage manager a letter and so she wanted to talk to me afterward....one of the best moments of my life).

So, the dream....

I was on this campus-type area, walking through a wooded area with benches and fountains and bird feeders. It was still a little dark, but the sun was up. I looked ahead on the path and realized that Nanci Griffith was walking toward me, trailed by a body guard. I had known she was in the area for a show--perhaps at this place that night.

As we passed I said softly, "Hi, Nanci."

She said back "Good morning, Jae."

I stopped and turned to stare at her, and she stopped and looked back at me, smiling. I said, "How in the world could you possibly remember me, with all the faces you see?"

She strolled back toward me. "I remember you," she said.

We started walking together. She seemed very calm, very at peace with everything. I could feel her energy traveling through me and it made me feel peaceful too. She said softly, "You're doing very well, Jae. You've come a long way."

I felt my throat constrict a little with emotion and I kept walking. My usual reasons why this could not be true seemed to be stuck somewhere inside, and I couldn't say them.

She continued: "You're very talented, and you have gifts to bring into the world. It's your responsibility and your honor to share them."

We walked in silence for another little while, listening to the birds sing. She said, "And it's good that you quit smoking." She smiled at me and I looked at her again with amazement.

"How do you know about that?"

She only smiled back knowingly.

"How can you possibly remember me?" I asked her again.

She said, "You're not as forgettable as you think. You make an impression on everyone you meet. What kind is always up to you."

The dream faded then.

Nanci Griffith as Mentor

Behavior 101: A Conundrum

Interpersonal relations. This phrase makes me squint with dread. It used to be something I read in a college communications textbook. Now it is a viable, living, breathing Grendel with very sharp fangs.

Take a situation wherein a group of individuals share a common goal, and fling themselves into the attainment of the goal. They will then, inevitably, have to accept the repercussions and peripheral issues that evolve when there is a group dynamic.

"Okay, if I’m behaving in a way that embarrasses you or causes you discomfort or pain, I guess you should just pull me aside and let me know that."

"Maybe. But how do you know that discomfort is your own issue and not mine? How do you know if maybe it’s your need to control my behavior instead of an effort to help me as a friend to grow as a person?"

"I don’t know."

"Where’s the line between your expectations and my right to be who I am in any given situation?"

"I don’t know. But what sort of friend would I be if I didn’t tell you things people say to me about you?"

"Maybe in some cases, I don’t care what they think about me. If these people feel so incompatible with me, why do they continue to hang around and put up with all my grief?"

"Maybe because of the situation--I mean, maybe they have a responsibility to stay in the situation and you’re just part of the package. If that’s true, then don’t you have a responsibility to do your best to be a person who at least makes an effort to be good-natured?"

"I don’t know...maybe I do. But at what point does this effort to keep things amicable, compromise my right to free expression?"

"I don’t know."

"If my behavior is objectionable to these people, why don’t they just come to me and say so?"

"Because they’re afraid of you. Afraid of your reaction."

"My reaction is beside the point in this case. My reaction is my responsibility, yes. And I have an obligation to be mindful of my interaction with others, but I cannot be blamed for their fear, and the way that fear feeds into their reluctance to do what needs to be done to alleviate at least a portion of the problem."

"Or maybe you’re just copping out because you want to justify your behavior instead of looking at it and making changes."

"Ouch."

The breadth of this subject can be overwhelming. Dealing with others. Dealing with others fairly. Dealing with others fairly while remaining fair with oneself. And what is fair? Who has the definition for that one? Can we ever be sure that our right to set parameters for what we will and will not tolerate, is not simply a matter of opinion and not an indication of an infringed-upon boundary?

Behavior 101: A Conundrum

Vocalist Lament

On the more well-stocked magazine racks, one can find Guitar, Modern Drummer, Bass Player, Guitar Player, Acoustic Guitar...but it's awfully hard to find The Vocalist, or Lead Singer, or Modern Harmony, or Rock Singer...

Okay, I pout every now and then because I feel like the market is influxed with information for the instruments that you hold in your hands, while there is a void in the market for the instrument you hold in your throat. Even in training, one can find instructors for any instrument, but if you want to be just a general vocalist, it usually means you have to take Voice in a college venue, and that means singing like Luciano Pavorotti or Beverly Sills when your voice is more suited to Billy Joel or Mary Chapin-Carpenter. Who says that vocal training has to be done in Italian? Or with a piano? I think that institutions of higher learning should know better. They should get with the program. Not everyone who wants to sing, is going to be able to learn how by taking Voice. And I wonder how many budding vocalists are discouraged or permanently lost because they were terrified of the formality of Voice classes?

So why aren't the commercial market people publishing more info centered around singers? I can just hear the musicians, now. "You don't need a whole magazine, for cryin' out loud! How many times can you write an article on how to sing?"

The most prevalent example (I'm sorry to say) of vocal support comes from the You Sing the Hits catalog, which is full of backup tapes. (Not all vocalists have a band, you see. That's because musicians are all reading guitar/bass/drummer magazines and taking lessons in the style they love best...(Was that caustic? )

Okay, is there a foundation to the argument that there's not enough material for a vocal magazine? Let's think it over. What would be included in a magazine like this? What would I like to see? How about: sections of sheet music with vocal lines and harmonies... articles on how to arrange those vocals... Articles about other singers and how they learned to sing, what they learned what they know about it, how they rehearse, warm-up, etc...equipment for singers, like microphones and stands, vocal techno-enhancer-box thingies, health care for singers, like what to do when you have to sing with a sore throat, what to drink and not to drink (herbal tea versus Zima, for instance--isn't it usually easier to find the latter in the places YOU sing?)... How about an anatomy lesson on just how the vocal chords work, and why I can't hit one of those heaven-splitting Ann Wilson notes? ...and how do I interpret a song? You get the picture. Those ideas were just off the top of my head. I'm sure many of you vocalists out there can think of other stuff.

Hey. Let me know, maybe we'll do a magazine ourselves.

Vocalist Lament

Fun With Webster

As a high school student, I was often accused, in an ambiguous way, of being a word-monger. While my friends were out cruising Wal-Mart parking lot, I was usually at home, "cuddled up with a good dictionary." As mundane as that may sound, it did have its brighter moments. I broke away from Webster long enough to write in my journal, but noticed that much of what I wrote was mindless drivel. So-- That in mind, I opened up that linguistic little goldmine, and searched for the word "drivel."

DRIVEL- 1. To talk stupidly and carelessly. 2. To waste or fritter away in a childish fashion....

Which led me to:

Fritter- [which was put off momentarily to read "frippery-" (no, not "be careful of the ice, its frippery") but: Cast off clothes, trifling, tawdry].

FRITTER- 1. To spend or waste, bit by bit, on trifles, or without commensurate return. So what the heck was "commensurate"!?

COMMENSURATE- 1. Equal in measure or extent. Oh, I knew that!")

Okay, I could stop there. I knew what "equal" was, what "measure" was, and what "extent" was. But then I couldn't remember what the original bloody word was!

And what was I talking about? Oh. Yeah. Mindless Drivel.

MINDLESS- 1. Destitute of mind or consciousness.

Which led me to:

DESTITUTE- 1. Lacking something needed or desirable.

And then, realizing this little game could continue indefinately, it made me a bit of a loon, and I nearly detonated altogether...of course, if one detonates, one can't very well be "altogether" can one?

Yours in linguistics,
Jae

Fun With Webster