24 November 2007

Slings and Arrows


Recently, I was offered a publishing contract on my novel Achilles Forjan. I allowed myself to get all excited and when the hard copy of the contract came, I realized it was not the same as the "sample." I didn't like the idea of handing over the rights to my own book for SEVEN years. I didn't know this publisher well enough to entrust my work for such a long time. And then there was being at the mercy of their idea of what my work was, what it should look like, how it should be edited, and then how I'd get 10-15 percent of the profit on each book. The book I SLAVED over. The book that came from my guts. The one that cost me several years of my creative life. That book that is a piece of me as surely as if I had given birth to it. It was one of my literary children. And this deal would include very little, if any, marketing efforts on their part. Those perks are reserved for the cash cows like Dean Koontz and Nora Roberts. Rightfully so, as they have proven their profit viability in the marketplace. I'd still have to do the interviews, the book signings, the business cards, the web page...

There were other things that just didn't feel right, too. My gut told me to refuse the contract. I always listen to my gut. It wasn't a pleasant decision, though. Making a decision like that is sort of like being pecked to death by chickens. How long had I waited for an opportunity like this? For years, I have intentionally avoided pitching my material because I wanted to feel like it was worthy enough to compete. Now that I feel I am a good enough writer to publish my work, I'm faced with the usual slings and arrows a writer faces when trying to make it to print. There are so many talented writers out there, but most of them don't get into the right door, largely because of the politics of the publishing industry. The advent of self-publishing has offered control back to the creator. (I don't mean God, I mean the writer...writing is, metaphorically speaking, quite like playing God...but that's for another blog). Now if we could only get past the stigma of it all. The stigma that says if you have to publish your own work, it must suck. That is sometimes true. But in many other cases, it is not. James Redfield (Celestine Prophesy) self-published first. So did John Grisham (he sold copies of A Time to Kill from the trunk of his car), as did Deepak Chopra, Mark Twain, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Edgar Allen Poe, Benjamin Franklin, Stephen Crane, Beatrix Potter, Margaret Atwood, Amanda Brown (Legally Blond). It's a great way to test market, and often, self-published books get picked up by traditional publishing houses. So stigma be damned.

I began the task of being my own publisher. Then a funny thing happened. I fell in love with the process. I discovered a formidable affection for being in control of the editing, typography, formatting, design of my own work. And I resolved to get all my completed or nearly-completed work in print and continue to do that with forthcoming material. This has translated into 100 hour weeks. But I am loving it. I feel permeated by satisfaction. It's always been about getting my work out there, not getting rich off it. I'm not delusional. Having come close again to being sucked into the literary abyss of greed, and allowing my work to be corrupted, pigeon-holed, and packaged by strangers who take most of the profit, I managed to pull myself back, regain my footing. I can do this myself.

So. The self-published copies will be used to fish for a literary agent. It's cheaper that way anyway. There's a reason why writers are historically poor, downtrodden, and half-insane addicts. It's because it's so hard and so expensive to get their work noticed. These days, it's still expensive. It costs upwards of $40 to send a manuscript to just ONE publisher or agent, when you include paper, ink, copying, postage, etc. One inkjet cartridge, for example, costs me $30 of that. So the point is, it's more economical for me to publish on Amazon's CreateSpace, buy a copy of it for $4 or $7 or $10 and mail that.

In the old days, before computers, the craft of writing was even more arduous and tedious and time consuming. Imagine hand-writing a 300-400 page manuscript and then spilling your coffee on it. Imagine typing the same amount, and then realizing you have to do a major rewrite, and that means typing it all again. And you could spill your coffee on that, too. My best friend, who is also a writer, used a typewriter up until 4 years ago. She had turned over six of her manuscripts to her new agent, and he was in such a hurry to get to New York for his meetings, that he didn't make copies of them. Then POOF. Something weird happened; he had some sort of mental breakdown, or was abducted by aliens, or otherwise fell off the face of the earth, and she never could find him after that. Imagine. Six full novels. Gone. She's been flirting with rewriting them for the last four years, and has done some of it, along with new material, but you never quite get over something like that. It's like having someone rip out your spleen.

I will continue this quest, and if, along the way, some agent or publisher sees my work and deems it suitable for representation and then negotiates a lucrative and satisfying alliance that will bring us both joy and a plethora of meaningless material possessions, I'll seriously consider it.

In the meantime, it's still about the WRITING.

To purchase my books and music, go to http://jaebaeli
Doing so will ensure blessings on you and yours, and the quality of your life will magically improve.


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23 November 2007

A is for Annoying


Not long ago, it came to my attention that i have some rather irritating trends in my work. Namely, the names. Titles, i mean. My first "slew" of books all begin with "A." Achilles Forjan, Armchair Detective, As You Were, Another Justice. . .I'm not sure if it's some deep-seated Alphabetical Addiction, or merely a subconscious belief that my writing is still at the beginning. . .perhaps i am working my way through the alphabet, like some popular mystery writers (A is for Annoying).

Now that would be sufficient to vex me, but i also noticed the the covers i designed for Achilles Forjan and Armchair Detective, both have vehicles on them. And As You Were has the image of a two lane highway....My best friend says she thinks it is my subconscious need to "go somewhere." Looks like i need a vehicle for a trip away from A's. In fairness, i do have other books that don't begin with "A." Operation: Utopia, The Curse of Madagascar, It's About Time, Brainmatter, Yin & Yang....but the A-list is the one that's closest to print or in print right now, so I'm ultra-aware of it. I considered changing the titles to some, but just didn't feel right about it. So I'm just going to let that go, and be mindful henceforth. A is now for AWARENESS.


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21 November 2007

Artistic Angst


Certain situations and combination of events and feelings coincide and then all existential hell breaks loose in me. I've gotten off on a track of thinking that has led me to this point of stress, angst, emotional upheaval. Partly, the stress stems from this Guitar Bar idea becoming more about me, and less about the venue. More pointedly, the stress of defining myself. Identity markers. Strip away those and we fall apart, evaporate, cease to exist or are merely taking up space.

How do we stay balanced in our understanding of success? Is success represented by money?
by acknowledgment of others?
by happiness?
by how many people love us?
by our contribution?
does it matter to someone?
does it matter to a great many someones?

Perhaps I should never make my artistic endeavors a source of income. Perhaps I should just be what I am: retired. . . someone who enjoys writing and recording music for friends or to give as gifts, creating art, writing books, and going to flea markets and buying and selling on eBay. . .I have a peaceful environment, plenty to keep me interested and busy; a few close friends, pets I adore, the ability to walk around outside in beautiful surroundings and take a deep breathe and just be in the moment.

The only thing that's missing for me, then, is the right "someone" to share it with. But my standards are so high, that my odds are low. I have to cling to the belief that the universe has a wisdom beyond my comprehension, and when it is time for my person to waltz into the room, she will, and i won't be OUTSIDE in my beautiful surroundings, taking deep breaths and being in the moment.


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18 November 2007

32 Hours Slaving Over a Hot Pinch Roller

In an effort to prove myself more than a relationship obsessive, i shall tell all readers that i have spent the last two days doing something other than thinking about sex, talking about sex, or having sex...

After 32 hours of intensive labor, creative juice-flowing, cursing, knob turning, crawling under my desk to attach and re-attach various cords, researching glitches, posting to homerecording.com and existing wholly on sunflower seeds, Hazelnut coffee with Vanilla Carmel creamer and various finger foods....i now have completed TWO whole songs for my EP. This is one of an endless catalogue of EP's i intend to offer up to the Muses as a legacy before my number comes up. It's been too long coming. I've threatened to put my nose to the old pinch roller and get this done since...well since i bought my very first multi-track recorder years ago. But life has a way of interrupting, even when you are one of the lucky ones who don't have to go to the usual day job. But i recognize the intrinsic value of putting my hands and mind and spirit toward creative endeavors; not doing so usually summons up the demons in my head, and the pitfalls in my life.

Later, I'm gonna work on another edit of my recently completed final (i-mean-it-this-time) draft of my latest novel, and maybe paint a picture.

I feel better already.

Now, back to those 32 hours, slaving over a hot Tascam 424 MKIII....

I am, by nature, a fiercely independent sort, and i prefer to be in charge of the entire process of birthing my creative children. My music is no exception. Along with this creative tyranny, i have to take the good and the bad. The bad always seems to be about some equipment malfunction or my lack of expertise in making it function, some doo-dad or gizmo that i have yet to shell out the money for, or simply that dealing with these variables tends to squish my creativity into something that looks like it should be on my windshield. I conquered all of these things, and now am feeling just a little pleased with myself. Although when i listened to the mixdowns today, i naturally found a few things that need tweaking. Something will always need tweaking. It's just good to know when to stop tweaking and wave bye-bye. Let it be let it be let it be.

I'm not at that point of acquiescence, yet.


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